If I ask you what do you love,
how long will it take you to name yourself?
I am sorry baby girl.
Those words came to me naturally the moment I saw her broken with tears running on her cheeks. I was unable to ease her pain. I saw her crying countless times. Even though we were so close to each other, she felt so far away, like she had a whole universe inside of her, unknown to me. Then, it suddenly hit me, after all those years I spent with her, I knew nothing about her. I never tried to figure out her true feelings, I never asked about her wildest dreams, I never listened to her rambles. She was a total stranger to me. Those words I said, they weren’t meant for her, I did it all for myself. I was selfish even to the very end.
She was always there standing by my side, like a guardian angel. Silently. Day and night. Even on the days, I ignored her. Even when I was mad at her. No matter all the terrible and cruel things I said, she never abandoned me. She loved me unconditionally for all those years. She did it for her own sake. She knew no other way to keep going in life, no other than to love me. She was desperately waiting for me to look at her and smile. She wanted me to touch her softly, to hold her inside my arms, to hug her with all my strength, to make her heart warm again. She knew that I was the only one who could make her feel whole. She knew we were meant for each other, she knew it from the very beginning.
All she ever needed was for me to whisper her
“I love you”.
2 thoughts on “I love you | Note to self”
This hit me so hard, to say I love this would not be enough. This was so heartfelt and insightful. Almost reminds me of the way I treat myself sometimes by not showing up for the part of me that shows up for myself. Thank you for sharing this, it was so beautiful.✨
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Thank you so much girl, means a lot! 🌹Sharing such an emotional piece wasn’t easy but I am glad it touched you this way. 🌙💖